My Bella Bean

I often worry that Isabella is getting the short end of the stick. She's only 21 months younger than Abigail. Often, as soon as Abigail is finishing a phase, Isabella is starting it. It can dim her accomplishments, making them seem less special and new. Physically, they are very similar in size, making it feel like Isabella is nearly Abigail's age, instead of almost two years younger. Also, Abigail is such an easy kid. Isabella was an easy baby, but she's our parenting challenge, our spirited child who challenges us to grow. Nothing is simple with Isabella, and I worry that I'm not up to the task some days. Honestly, I am not up the the challenge sometimes, but I do my best.

Isabella is a little me in so many ways: intense, withdrawn, cautious, tenacious, awkward, insecure, not to mention that she looks just like me. It's like to effectively parent her, I need to parent myself and calm my tendancies to do the same things she does before I can react to her without both of us going into intense mode.

Late yesterday afternoon, Abigail and Vincent were both taking a late nap. Isabella helped me with dinner. She was so funny and helpful. Then Luis came home, and Isabella begged to go outside and help him. She got her stuff on and ran out, thrilled to bits, helped him clean his van and played on her scooter for a while. She was chatty during dinner, helpful afterwards, and played so well with Abigail and Vincent before bed. Today, she woke up cranky, demanding and whiny. I can't leave the room without her following me, she's bickering with Abigail constantly, hitting and yelling, she woke up Vincent when I was putting him down for nap, and she will not do a single thing I ask of her without trying to turn it into a huge power struggle. Luis is gone for the day and won't be back until tomorrow. I need to stay centered on days like today, and it is so helpful knowing Luis will be home at 5 to help. Knowing I won't have any help makes a day like today much harder, makes giving into the yelling and anger easier. I think that's why I'm typing this out. Sharing the struggle makes it easier to bear.